A lot has happened since we last talked! Do you remember that internship I applied to in California? Would you believe me if I told you I actually got it?! The experience was even more amazing than I ever imagined. It changed my life. I met some incredible people. Like one of the people that worked on Westworld. Have you seen that show? The last two episodes are mind blowing!
When I got back, I started a podcast and a blog! You know better than most that I have always wanted to do a YouTube channel and stuff, but I never thought I could be successful in that endeavor. Like, why me? But then I realized… Why not me? What is stopping me from being successful? But you always knew that I had potential. You were always pushing people to be the best they could be.
I was lucky to have you as a friend, especially in college. I would have definitely failed physics if you hadn’t been willing to stay up with me until 2 am helping me grasp the concepts. You made them seem easy, yet I was struggling so much with them. Thanks for being there for me.
On top of that, you made my first year at ECU the best year I had in college. Every time I went to hang out with you it was an awesome time. The pregames were way more fun than the actual parties we went to!
You were always the best wingman in college. The first girl I made out with in college was all you. I don’t remember it all too well, but I know you were the one that introduced us. After that fizzled out, you never stopped trying to hook a brotha up. I never asked you to, but that was the thing about you. You were always looking out for everyone. You just wanted to make everyone happy.
Hey, maybe you were just trying to pay me back for dating the girl I had the biggest crush on in middle school and early high school. I could never win her over, but you did! I was so jealous!
Do you remember that time we went to the beach with an old friend from middle school? I think we were freshman or something in high school and she came down to visit for a week. Remember when the wave knocked her top off?? We both looked directly at each other trying to divert our eyes, but she was still so embarrassed!
You were such a good person. Maybe that’s why we got along so well. We both just wanted to make the world smile. Who could have known that deep down, you were hurting so bad? Who could have been able to tell that the demons in your head were winning. That they were dragging you down, even though you always seemed so up. No one could have guessed that you were planning to abandon us here, leaving us with one less candle to keep us warm in this cold, mad world.
After being the one friend who would be there to listen. Be there to sit in silence. The friend that would make you smile. The friend that brought others together. After being the best friend to so many, you decided for once to make a selfish choice. Your last choice.
Now I don’t have a partner in making the world smile. I tell people that failure is not an option and that it’s okay to mess up. But this is a task I can’t fail. I have to pick up where you left off. Because failure in this mission means that more people have to lose a best friend. A brother. A son. More people have to walk through life with another big hole in their heart. A hole that will never heal. A hole that will never be filled. That will never stop hurting. Failing in my mission means another mother has to bury her child. Another cousin has to beg you to come back. Another friend has to carry your picture around because she can’t bring you with her. Another friend has to ask themselves what they did wrong to make you feel so unloved. Failure in this means that I would allow the world to get darker and colder.
No. I will pick up the slack. I will continue to trudge forward. I will show the world how to be courageous. The only time you can be courageous is when you are scared. The world needs to know that they can be courageous.
Until we meet again, friend.
A friend who misses you, dearly.
Audio Link: http://lafwdbanks.libsyn.com/dear-friend